Parenting a teenager can feel like being dropped into a foreign country—one where the language is emojis, the national anthem is a trending TikTok sound, and constant eye rolls.
Being the Outsider
It can feel disheartening as you were the one who raised them and gave them the world. You were a teenager once and know that it’s usually a phase that gets overblown during these high school years, but it can still be murky waters to navigate. But just because they’ve swapped cartoons for earbuds and juice boxes for iced coffee doesn’t mean the connection is lost. It just needs a reboot.
Don’t take the silence personally. Teens go quiet, and yes, it can be off-putting, but it’s rarely about you. Sometimes they just need space. Other times, they’re figuring out who they are (which takes a lot of energy and snack breaks). Being nearby, even if they’re not ready to talk, still counts as showing up. And (hopefully) your teen will begin to see that and if they are truly struggling with more than just the usual high school drama, then they will open up to you.
Find Common Ground
Figure out if there is anything that you can both talk about or share. This doesn’t mean you have to binge-watch every Marvel series or learn Fortnite dances (unless you want to, in which case, please film it). But showing interest in what they care about—music, sports, memes—opens doors. Even a simple, “Hey, what’s that song?” can lead to a conversation. And remember that not everything has to be a lecture or a lesson learned. Letting some things slide shows your teen that you trust them to handle the little stuff—and they’ll be more likely to come to you with the big stuff.
Building Trust
Try to be a safe place for your teen, not a perfect one. You won’t always say the right thing. Sometimes you will embarrass them (actually, always). But if your teen understands that you are trying, that you are listening, and that your love does not hinge on them being easy to parent, they will feel it. The truth is, teens still need their parents—even when they pretend they don’t. And while connecting with them might take a bit more creativity and patience these days, it’s absolutely possible.
Katie Kyzivat